


Your Name

by tabt_solskin



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, Betrayal, Book Spoilers, Character Study, Drabble, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Emotions, Feels, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kinda, Mentioned Characters, Murder, Name Changes, No Dialogue, POV Second Person, Project Freelancer, Random & Short, Self-Hatred, What Was I Thinking?, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-18 18:21:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7325593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabt_solskin/pseuds/tabt_solskin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name used to be David.<br/>They took that name away from you.<br/>Then your name is Agent Washington.<br/>Now they've decided to take Agent away, and just keep you as Wash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Name

**Author's Note:**

> On phone

Your name is David.

You're different than the other kids. They know this, you know this. Everyone knows this. They pick on you for it.

But one kid picks on you the most. You hate him.

Three years later, your name is still David.

You shove the kids face into a mirror, authorities find him huddled in a bathroom stall with severe damage.

You still hate him.

They don't call you David anymore.

~

They call you Agent Washington now.

You are Agent Washington from Project Freelancer. Some of them fear you, some of them doubt you'd be able to hurt a fly.

You prove them wrong.

Your friends still think you're pathetic. Weak.

They think you don't deserve to be with them, that you're on the wrong side. That you're nothing.

You prove them wrong.

They kill each other, you kill them. You don't remember, it's all a blur. Everyone kills everyone. That's what war is, right? At least, that's what you were taught.

But that doesn't matter anymore. They're all dead anyways. Sometimes you think you might be dead yourself.

Somehow, you know they still think you're not good enough. Some days you think they were right, that you didn't deserve to work with them.

Other days you think they're wrong, that you were just as fucked up as they were. That you deserved to be there, and they couldn't say shit about it.

You lost count for which side was winning.

~

From now on, your name is just Washington. Sometimes they call you Wash, you don't know why.

They trust you, after everything you've done to them.

It's almost laughable about how much they trust you. But you never laugh. Not anymore.

Even if you feel like you're going insane.

You've tried to kill them before, they didn't trust you then.

You don't try to kill them now, they trust you now.

Sometimes you wish you killed them all when you had the chance. You're not sure why. To free them of pain? Because you hate them? But you don't hate them, they're your family. The only family you've ever had.

Yet, you still want to kill them. Hurt them. Remind them that you don't deserve their trust, the second chance they gave you, you don't deserve to have a family.

They know you think this, they hate that you do. You can't help it, they know this as well.

They seem to read you like an open book. That's how the saying goes, right? You don't remember. You don't remember a lot of things. All you remember is her. You can't get her out of your head.

You hate how you know every single thing about her. They're not your memories, you don't need them in your head. You don't want to remember her, yet that seems to be all you remember.

She makes you want to die. Not just her, all of them. Your friends, your family. Your friends never cared about you. Always snarling crude comments at you angrily. They betrayed you, hurt you in ways unimaginable.

Your family just cares too much.

~

Your name is still Washington. More people call you Wash now, you don't think they realize it.

You don't try to kill people who trust you anymore. You don't try to hurt your family. You don't try a lot of things.

The only thing you try to do now is survive.

You're not very good at it.

People start to call you things that you haven't heard in a long time.

Weak, useless, stupid, asshole, a complete and total dick.

But you're not. You're a Freelancer. A soldier. You're none of those things.

At least, that's what you tell yourself.

The names slowly start to narrow into just one.

Monster.

No one calls you that anymore after your family almost killed them when they heard what was being said about you, you're grateful. But you don't believe you deserve the protection.

Only one person calls you a monster now. He's the enemy. You hate his guts. You know he hates you too.

He doesn't kill you, you don't kill him. Because you're a soldier. You don't kill people out of hatred, you do it because it's your job.

He's not your job.

~

Your name will probably forever stay Washington. Everyone calls you Wash now. You don't think you mind.

You're a broken man in more ways than one, you've known this all your life.

Your family might be dead, you hope they aren't. You need them to not be dead. Because if they're dead…

You don't know what you'd do.

You know you'd have a weird feeling of déjà vu, if that's the correct term. You still don't know.

You know that you'd break down. Not only are your friends gone, but now your family is to. 

You'd kill anyone you'd see, hurt them if not kill.

You'd train. You wouldn't eat. You wouldn't sleep. You wouldn't be real anymore.

You'd get your revenge. Somehow, someway.

And as much as you'd love to slaughter the people who have done this, you hope they're not dead.

You've come to realize that family is more important than revenge.

~

Your name is Washington. Everyone says Wash for short now, even if they don't know you.

Your name is Washington, and you've learned that although you haven't had the best life, you still find pride in it.

~

Your name is Washington, and you are proud to say that.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a quick little thing I decided to jot down because it interested me. Sorry for any errors, actually, scratch that. Sorry for everything. I don't even know what this is.
> 
> Please tell me if I'm missing any tags!!
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> Oh, also, get ready for a Northington fic! Will probably not be coming soon cuz I don't know what I'm doing with that either.


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